Pig Propaganda

The Criminal Audition

So I’m back from my brief hiatus in India








There I am, in India. Sadly, sometimes a picture can only speak three words.

But even while I’ve been away, Muzzle The Pig has been releasing lots and lots of goodies.

We released a mini-series called, ‘Against The Clock’ with episodes that fly by at 2 minutes a pop and feature Rich Keeble doing things that are more appropriate for a male gigolo.

Against The Clock: Episode 1 

Against The Clock: Episode 2

We also released the first of our mini-sketches, ‘NEW ROMANTIC COMEDY TRAILER’ and that is equally swift at just 1 minute. So quickly go to a look, I’ll wait here.


Done? Good. Now onto the big-boy stuff, so take that dummy out of your mouth and get off your Mum’s lap. I’ll do the same.

In the Autumn of 2010, I had my short play performed at The Rosemary Branch theatre in Islington. The short was a 25-minute play called, ‘A Criminal Audition’ and it was digested well enough for me to want to expand it into a feature play. Subsequently, in the Summer of 2011, that happened, with The Etcetera Theatre kindly allowing us to hurl shaving cream and cordial at each other on stage for a week. Despite all of us saying we would quit every night, we managed to get through the performance with only one genuine death – and she deserved it anyway.









After the initial buzz of the play had died down (2 minutes worth), we continued to create productions for the internet and festival scene alongside some more theatrical works that had no theatrical merit. However, ‘A Criminal Audition’ continued to stay in my mind, like a soup you had that you loved but couldn’t remember what type of soup it was.  Knowing that the concept had originally occurred to me as a feature film, I had a light-bulb moment and realised if it occurred to me as a feature film, it may just work as a feature film. I was initially hesitant with the idea of developing a feature since it felt like I would be trying to walk before I could run, having only produced a handful of short films. Now that my short films and comedic works have proven that I can’t quite walk and in fact it’s more of a ‘crawl with a drool’, it’s time to do a feature. Those who have kept abreast with Muzzle The Pig over the last year, will be aware that I was previously developing another feature, but when I realistically crunched the numbers, I saw that I would need too much of a budget and subsequently buried the screenplay in my garden that I’m pretty sure my neighbour’s dog, dug up and ate.

And so I dusted off ‘A Criminal Audition’ from amongst all my old tomes that I keep near my quills and potions in the library’s annex. With pen poised, I began to adapt it from stage to screen. This plunged me into one of the loneliest places I’ve ever been in my life, seriously. But needs must. Week by week, I kept returning to the script and now into present day, I find myself at the stage where a 3rd draft has been completed and it no longer reads like an angst-riddled teenager who sniffed too much pesticide’s fever dream. Instead, it now reads like an angst-riddled teenager’s fever dream. The one dramatic change that is likely to raise a few eye-brows in the press, is the ridiculous and unprecedented name change. Gone is the ‘A’, thrust aside by the much more affirmative, ‘The’ to form –

The Criminal Audition

So now here we are, on the precipice of The Criminal Audition’s movie beginnings. What happens now? Well, we are currently crewing up, there are teaser posters that are having their final touches done by an Argentinian man named Max who I’ve had a delightful array of broken English discussions with. He’s a top bloke. There’s even some concept artwork that is being completed through March by a New Yorker, yes we’re global. Over this month, the twitter account, @CrimAudition will come out of it’s coma and start talking nonsensical tittle-tattle (I’ve never used that before and now that I’ve used it, I will continue to do so), but in-between that nonsense you may start to gain an idea of what the movie’s all about. With any luck, all our movements will be documented via this blog (which will move to the film’s upcoming website) and perhaps, as we draw closer to filming, we may even film, behind the film, in what I have heard some folk call, ‘Behind The Scenes’ footage.

There are plans for auditions, investor packs, crowdfunding (sorry), table reads and socials – so anyone seeking details on them should without doubt follow the twitter account and start laying down their cloak, Walter Raleigh style, for me to safely cross the London puddles.

That’s all the tittle-tattle for the moment, how are we feeling? Sick? I hope it’s not a melanoma.