Ron Conducts Zero

 Ron Conducts Zero was my first feature length play to be performed. It ran for two nights at the newly refurbished Martin Hall Theatre in Loughborough on the 20th & 21st February 2009. Links to portions of the programme that was produced can be found here, here and here!

-“[speaking of two actors] Their hilarious double act was undoubtedly one of the most memorable moments of the play; never again will I be able to listen to Sting’s Greatest Hits in the same way.”

-“[A scene featuring] a business man who is kidnapped by the family and tortured with tomato ketchup, custard, rice crispies and other food items, had the audience in stitches.”

-“Finally, credit must go to the writers and directors who converted the brilliance of their play from page to stage.”



The protest funds are dry, but for Grandmother Vivian the protest simply cannot stop. Together with her activist, misfit family, they squat in an abandoned hospital. Refusing to be disheartened by her husband’s (Ingram) lack of continual passion for the protest, she demands that her daughter, Shelley, track down the fathers of her three fatherless children so they can finally support their offspring. All the while, Shelley remains madly in love with John, a street-wise, burnt-out gambler who in turn, only has eyes for Shelley’s sister, Gretel. Shelley’s children are in themselves, a miracle. Don is a child prodigy with unquestionable talents in literacy, while Ladyblossom excels in medicine, but their strengths are also their weaknesses as they are becoming increasingly fragile. And we haven’t even mentioned Ron yet, Shelley’s third child, because no one ever does, he’s too busy trying to channel superpowers. From all this mess comes an array of typical family problems from kidnapping to doping to child alcoholism to relationship triangles and torture. Pretty much everything you’d expect from a comedy.


Shelley – Georgina Davidson                                               Frank – Benjamin Burns Scully

Ingram – Wayne Joyce                                                         Leo – Ed Blackwell

Vivian – Emmy Baldry                                                           Jessica – Laura Timmins

Gretel – Hannah Lowey                                                        Don – Harry Wright

Ron – Kieron Bentley                                                             Ladyblossom – Caroline Kelly

Paul – James Cooke                                                              John – Mahan Arora


Stage Manager – Louise Bedford

Written by – Luke Kaile

With Ideas From – David Griffiths

Directed by – Luke Kaile & David Griffiths

Poster & Ticket Design by – Tom Kenny –