Pork Scratchings

A German And His Bronzer

Rounds* are on me this week as for the first time ever, I’ve won on the lottery, sure it may only be £10 but at least I’ve finally won.

*your drink can be chosen from the wide selection of cordial or tap water.

A Tale

I’ve uploaded a new chapter of the story tentatively titled, ‘Jacob’s Tale’ that continues to slowly eke out of me.  They’re all in a draft format so go easy! This chapter looks at Alexis’ walk from his cabin to the nearby town, it’s a walk that holds a great deal of significance for the rest of the story!
Jacob’s Tale

The truth is, I simply am not spending enough time on that to get it how I want it. I actually have outlines of the next ten chapters written, but every time I look back at the three I’ve already posted up here I feel utterly pessimistic as the writing feels really slack. Either way, I’ll occasionally tinker with it and who knows, I may eventually prick that rare vein of writing letting it bleed out everywhere (lovely image). For the first time in my life I have also drawn up a schedule for my brain to try to adhere to. Until Christmas, it is largely filled with finishing up A Halfway House, but come the New Year, the days will be taken up with the novel and the sitcom.

My novel is mainly set in Luang Prabang, Laos. Go there, it’s amazing.

The German In The Hotel Room

So I had a pretty challenging audition on Saturday, arguably the toughest I’ve ever faced. The project I was going for was a low-budget independent flick done in the style of a mockumentary. With this in mind, the guys running the job were after someone who would be comfortable with improvisation and lots of character building, so it all sounded ideal for me. The only issue was, the audition went deep, I was sat on the chair in front of the three guys who put me through a mock up interview with me in character for…thirty-five minutes. A real slog, especially when the character was still incredibly thin and needing a lot of work. They had only really given me a blueprint and let me run with everything else.

Rather strangely, and maybe because I had been striving to do more serious work after my long run of comedy, I found my improvisation heading down much darker paths. I kept dragging their questions through strangely semi-profound monologues and odd ideas of turning up in to work in a pub early just so I could restock the shelves while naked (the character is an exhibitionist…kind of).

Thankfully, right near the end of the audition one of the guys gave me a question that I could actually give them some kind of comic relief on, however as I spoke I became increasingly unsure of where I was going with it. My story that I told them was one where I had awoken naked, on an hotel balcony with the doors locked from inside. Drawing on a lad’s holiday I once had where my friend leapt from a high up balcony across to the adjoining apartment, I described myself nakedly crawling across the ten floors up balcony with my butt in the breeze. I then told them that the room I had broken into contained a German man in speedos rubbing bronzer on himself. They seemed to laugh as I continued talking about Spanish maids and disappointed parents but it truly was a tough audition, my mind was running so fast as I tried to process what I was saying while finding an ending for the whole thing!

Don’t worry, I didn’t go that far.

I felt it went so-so, thirty-five minutes of essentially bullshitting is pretty tough so I won’t beat myself up too much about it, especially since I had such a blank template to work with. I didn’t try to push the comedy too much or tell them stories that seemed unrealistic for the character, something that I’ve been guilty of in the past just so I could get extra laughs. As usual, leaving the audition I was overcome with ideas for the character and ways to seep comedy into his interviews but hindsight’s a bitch.

A Halfway House & Cameras

I guess I’ve pretty much finished up a 1st draft of A Halfway House and now comes the hard bit, making the sketches extra special, and cutting back the bullshit that I’m so prolific at dumping into my work. If there is one exceptional weakness in my writing is that I too often overload my work with unnecessary jokes rather then letting the comedy breath and play out. Therefore my work may be coming to an inbox near you before you know it 😉 Will get a read through done with one of the cast members soon to share ideas, for the first time since starting it, I can now start to see it working…just.

In much more exciting news, I’m going to take the plunge and buy myself a proper camera (and hopefully a decent lens) to speed up production on my sketches. 2012 is going to be a pretty active year for Muzzle The Pig, so get ready! I apologise for the lack of humour in this blog post, but you can expect a little more next week when I post the stills of my alien-with-a-huge-sex-drive short film.